Beitragsfoto: Beispielbild | © Pixabay

Über die Jahre hinweg sind mir immer wieder Zitate zu Ohren gekommen, die ich oftmals auch bereits zu kennen glaubte und mir zudem dabei sicher war, auch den dazugehören Autoren benennen zu können.

Sehr oft war es dann aber der Fall, dass zumindest mir der tatsächliche Autor bis heute verborgen blieb. Die Zitate gefielen mir dennoch und blieben mir weiterhin in Erinnerung, sodass ich einige davon in diesem Beitrag zusammenfasse.

1. Die Welt gehört dem, der sie genießt.
2. Stop making stupid people famous.
3. The best fertilizer is the gardener’s shadow.
4. Quand la vie vous donne un citron, demandez du sel et la tequila.
5. If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
6. Silence is the only successful substitute for brains.
7. It helps to remember that hidden within every obstacle is a treasure to behold.
8. Your attitude, almost always determines your altitude in life.
9. Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.
10. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
11. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
12. The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
13. At my age getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.
14. You know you are getting old when happy hour is a nap.
15. Don’t believe everything you think.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. I don’t jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass!
18. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step of the way.
19. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
20. Dead people are cool.
21. Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
22. I have a drinking problem, I can’t afford it.
23. I’ll never get off this planet.
24. It is better to drink to forget, than to forget to drink.
25. Good health is merely the slowest way to die.
26. If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would have farted.
27. Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.
28. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
29. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
30. Time flies like the wind, but fruit flies like bananas.
31. The internet doesn’t make you stupid, it just makes your stupidity more accessible to others.
32. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
33. I can resist anything, except temptation.
34. Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity, don’t screw the opportunity.
35. God must love stupid people. He made so many.
36. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
37. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
38. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
39. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
40. I always take life with a grain of salt, … plus a slice of lemon, … and a shot of tequila.
41. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
42. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
43. Today I caught myself smiling for no reason … then I realized I was thinking about you.
44. Respect your elders. They made it through school without “Google” or “Wikipedia”.
45. Drugs don’t ruin your career. Drug tests do.
46. Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.
47. Mutig ist, wer Durchfall hat und dennoch pupst.
48. Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
49. Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
50. All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day.
51. Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
52. Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
53. Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
54. It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
55. The hardest task facing kids today is to learn good manners without actually seeing any.
56. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
57. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
58. The road to success is always under construction.
59. It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
60. Life is simple, it’s just not easy.
61. Sometimes I amaze myself.
62. The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure. 
63. The magic is not found in the shoes you wear but in the steps you take.
64. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
65. I find sincere pleasure in knowing that I don’t have to say a word to drive some people completely crazy.
66. One day, you’ll be just a memory to some people. Do your best to be a good one.
67. I regret that my poor choice of words caused some people to understand what I was saying.
68. Doing what you like is freedom, liking what you do is happiness.
69. Es ist schon über so viele Dinge Gras gewachsen, dass man bald keiner Wiese mehr trauen kann.
70. Blood makes you related. Loyality makes you family.
71. You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
72. Common sense is not a gift, it is a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
73. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
74. Don’t worry about life, you’re not going to survive it anyway.
75. Learn from your parents’ mistakes. Use birth control.
76. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
77. A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
78. Wenn das Ihre Lösung ist, hätte ich gerne mein Problem zurück.
79. Life is like an ocean. It can be calm and still or rough and rigid. But in the end it’s always beautiful.
80. Strength is when you have so much to cry for but you prefer to smile instead.
81. Two things define you: Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.
82. If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.
83. Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.
84. Never water yourself down for someone who can’t take you at 100 proof.
85. Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
86. Creativity is intelligence having fun.
87. Life is no Ponyhof.
88. I’m glad that I don’t have to hunt for my food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.
89. The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.
90. The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.
91. Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.
92. Sometimes we have so much to say that we remain speechless.
93. Someone is praying for the things you take for granted.
94. When you smile to the world, the world smiles back.
95. There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.
96. God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.
97. Smiling is the best way to face any problem, to crush every fear and to hide every pain.
98. If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.
99. When life becomes a roller coaster, throw your hands up and enjoy the ride!
100. I hated everyone before it was mainstream.
101. Es kommt nicht darauf an, wie alt man ist, sondern wie man alt ist.
102. Life has no remote … get up and change it yourself.
103. Glücklich ist, wer verfrisst, was nicht zu versaufen ist.
104. ‘s Läba isch koi Schlotzer.
105. You’re so full of shit, the toilet is jealous.
106. If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.
107. Life is not fair – get used to it!
108. Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
109. Out of all the things I’ve lost in life, I think I miss my mind the most.
110. Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper.
111. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
112. The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
113. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
114. La mamma dei cretini è sempre incinta.
115. Never set an alarm clock unless you know how to switch it off.
116. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity!
117. Behind every successful programmer there is a girlfriend who doesn’t exist.
118. Unter jedem Dach ein Ach.
119. Death is a feature, not a bug.
120. Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
121. My driving scares me too.
122. Life is a song, sing it!
123. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.
124. Everyone knows what time it is. No one understands what time it is.
125. Frau zu sein ist schwer, dauernd möchte man etwas kaufen, jemanden umbringen, abnehmen und etwas Süßes!